Attributes of Extraordinary Leadership

Everyone wants more out of life. But so often we can feel held back, and can’t really seem to figure it out! It can be frustrating and discouraging. We want to make progress in our business, our career, our relationships, but it is as if some invisible resistance just seems to be keeping us from having the life we really want.

We all know this feeling all too well. It comes from having conflicts inside of us between what we are inspired to do and all of the inner self-sabotaging, negative mind-talk that keeps us stuck as if in a squirrel cage, spinning our wheels. Well, there’s good news… Now there’s a way out of the cage

Here is a Summary of the Dynamics

1) Limiting Possibilities

This dynamic is based on experiences of having been overwhelmed by intense feelings when we were very young. To avoid the experience of overwhelm, we make the inner decision to resist feeling things fully. This dynamic is based on the illusion that if you experience fully, you won’t be able to handle it. When this dynamic is absent, what you experience is, “I experience anything and everything without the fear of being overwhelmed.”

2) Ignoring Your Instincts

This dynamic comes from having been punished as a child for acting on your inner knowing/intuition. It is based on the illusion that if you act on your intuition, you will be overwhelmed by the consequences.
When this dynamic is absent, what you feel is, “I completely trust my intuition and I always act on it every single time.”

3) Being Judgmental

When we judge something (or someone) it is to create a feeling of us being separate from it – “I’m not like that!” In reality, the things we judge reflect a part of ourselves that we don’t want to acknowledge. (When there is no ‘charge’ in us about something, we feel neutral about it.) This dynamic is based on the habit of avoiding issues that we really need to address and resolve within ourselves. When this dynamic is absent, what you feel is, “Everything I experience is a part of me. I see it, acknowledge it and resolve it within myself”

4) Getting Distracted

When this dynamic is operating in us, we get lost to the stories we’ve created about past events or we start projecting possible negative outcomes into the future. This dynamic is based on the habit of avoiding being present and the fear that if we stay present we won’t be able to handle what comes up. Many addictions that people experience are the result of having a number of unresolved emotions about the past that feel too intense to deal with in the present. When this dynamic is absent, you feel, “I live completely in this moment.”

5) Compromising Your Integrity

When this dynamic is operating, we try to get a sense of ourselves from something outside of ourselves. We may, for example, define ourselves by our actions, accomplishments or possessions. This dynamic is based on the illusion that we are incomplete and that something from outside ourselves will complete us and make us whole. When this dynamic is absent, you feel, “My integrity is grounded in unshakable self-reliance.”

6) Seeking Validation

When this dynamic is operating, we confuse approval – which is unconditional and requires nothing in return – with the need to receive something from someone else. (Love lets go; need holds on.) This dynamic is based on the illusion that love is something that you get from outside yourself. This is constantly modeled to us through our cultural conditioning in movies, songs and media. When this dynamic is absent, you feel, “I am self-sufficient. I am authentic with myself and others without needing approval or validation from others or from my accomplishments.”

7) Resisting change

When this dynamic is present in us, we find ourselves looking for events around us to stay the same so that we can feel secure. It is based on the illusion that stability and security can be found in the changing world around us, rather than within us. When this dynamic is absent, you feel, “I live in the delight and wonder of uncertainty.”

8) Playing It Safe

Because of this dynamic, we hold ourselves back out of the fear of losing the approval of others or that we will be leaving others behind. This dynamic is based on the illusion that if we powerfully express ourselves, we will be alone. When this dynamic is absent, you feel, “I can be fully self-expressed without fearing loss of approval from others.”

9) Trying to force an outcome

When this dynamic is operating in us, we feel compelled to ‘make things happen’ in a particular way and in a particular time frame. This dynamic is based on the illusion that we alone have control over what happens in our life. When this dynamic is absent, you feel, “I get the sense of myself from the essential nature of who I truly am rather than from my actions or accomplishments.”

10) Needing to Be Right

When this dynamic is present, we over-identify with our minds and think we have, and need to have, all the answers. This dynamic comes from not recognizing the difference between thinking with our mind and ‘knowing’ from our deepest level or soul. When this dynamic is absent, you feel, “I know things from deep within myself and I know the difference between thinking and knowing.”

11) Biasing Reality

When this dynamic is operating, we get overly absorbed in trying to explain or interpret events. It is based on the illusion that everything is not perfect as it is. When this dynamic is absent, you feel, “I sense the perfection in everything even when my intellect doesn’t get it.”

12) Over-reacting to circumstances

When this dynamic is present, we become overly disturbed or distressed by what happens to ourselves or others. This dynamic interferes with our ability to maintain a strong sense of who we are under extreme circumstances. When this dynamic is absent, you feel, “I feel a deep sense of equanimity (balance, calm) during experiences of pleasure or pain.”

(Adapted from the 12 Core Dynamics courses available at www.coachcora.ca

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